See, this is kinda why I hate Twitter

Source: twitition.com

One thing I actually like about Twitter is its extensibility – people have already come up with plenty of uses for the so-simple-even-Americans-can-do-it concept (including but not limited to tweeting farts, tracking tweeted swear words, and most recently a doomed-to-fail Twitter shopping system).

So when I came across twitition.com, once again I marvelled (slightly) at the inventiveness of somebody who realised that Twitter would be a good platform for encouraging users to sign petitions. With its increasingly worldwide following, Twitition could be a powerful tool in spreading awareness and demonstrating public opinion on some of the world’s most heinous atrocities. It could, for example, show just how universally vilified the current political situation in Iran is.

So the question I’m sure you’re all asking is: with their current count of 2747 petitions and 117,250 signatures, what are the main talking points on Twitition? What petitions have captured the public’s imagination and caused them to fervently scribble their virtual names in exercise of democracy, humanity and good will?

Well, it’s all very serious stuff. Far and away in the lead is the petitioned titled we the undersigned petition AT&T to offer reasonable iPhone 3GS upgrade prices (currently 15389 signatures).

Political insurgency? Wars for oil? Child labour? To the denizens of Twitter, such paltry issues pale in comparison to their immovable whining that they have to pay more to upgrade their already overpriced iPhones to the latest model. Boo fucking hoo.

Besides the English contingent of moaning iPhone douchebags (it’s the same petition but shouting out O2 instead of AT&T), also high on the hitlist is we the undersigned petition Chris Brown to peform a MJ tribute at the @BetAwards (currently 3685 signatures).

Well, clearly the antics of this dancing wifebeater are integral to the continued well-being of the human race.

What next? We the undersigned petition to put Tom Fletcher on Heat’s 100 Sexiest Men List (currently 1352 signatures).

Wow. Just… wow.

As usual, it isn’t the product/service that I hate. It’s the users. Much as fans of Apple products are invariably posturing twats, heavy Twitter users are too often shallow, celebrity-obsessed teen shitwits with no better outlet for their misdirected angst.

So. What have we learned from this? Well, in terms of the ability to address a short, poignant message to (potentially) millions of like-minded people at the click of a mouse button, the wait is over. Now we just need to wait for somebody to come along with something worth saying.