davers dot org » Every time you use this product, humanity hits a new low

Every time you use this product, humanity hits a new low

While the advert itself isn’t particularly disgusting, the product (and imagining the kind of people who would need to use one) very much is.

I have only a few questions:

1) Exactly how much of a lazy fatass do you have to be to require an implement to assist you in wiping your ass?

2) Aside from an increased capacity for hamburgers and the ability to dress up as a manatee for a costume party without a great deal of effort, what the hell are the ‘advantages’ of being a morbidly obese person, claimed by the man 40 seconds into the video? I mean, most of the disadvantages are fairly clear just from looking at him.

3) How about you LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT instead of plunging to such depths of self-humiliation? While it’s not a general rule, I think that by the stage you require a stick to clear your arse crevice after splashdown, it would be a fairly good moment to take a couple of steps back (or, I guess, roll back a few inches) and take stock of your food intake.

Not healthy, America. Not healthy.

It’s about time obesity was considered a true illness. Why is an addiction to cigarettes considered disgusting, yet an addiction to hamburgers creates unique consumer products? Where’s my cigarette holder that enables me to smoke 40 cigarettes at once? If you’re catering for the fat fucks who can’t stop chewing, how about a few ‘revolutionary’ inventions for the people who can’t stop smoking?

Personally I’m far more disgusted by the sight, sounds and smells of a fat person eating nearby in a restaurant than I am at somebody lighting up a cigarette a couple of tables away.

Do note that it’s obesity that disgusts me, not simply being overweight. Most people are a little overweight, but it takes a special kind of laziness and disregard for any kind of proper nutrition to become a true fatass. It’s all very easy to say this as somebody who is often described as ‘painfully thin’, but if I ever got fat enough even to consider spending $20 on a butt-wiping stick, I’d be pretty disgusted with myself.